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Despereaux Book the Third

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Gregory
Back to the world of light.
Mig
Uncle, today I am seven years old.
Mig
No thank you Uncle, I don't.
Gregory
Most foolish, too foolish to be borne, a world without soup.
Mig
What do ye mean, aspirations?
Mig
I want to be a princess. I want to wear a crown.
Mig
Bless you! Bless you, bless you.
Mig
Gor! A servant I will be, not a slave.
Mig
Today, I am seven years old!
Louise
You must curtsy!
Roscuro
Ah, did he really? That is a terrible story, a tragic story.
Roscuro
It begins with yours truly, and the chewing of a rope.
Mig
I did. Only you didn't see. Someday, I will sit on a little white horse and wear a crown and wave. Someday, I will be a princess, too.
Uncle
But I paid for her fair and square with a good laying hen and a handful of cigarettes and a blood red tablecloth.
Roscuro
Yes, Your Highness.
Roscuro
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Chiaroscuro. Friends call me Roscuro. And your name is Miggery Sow. And it is true, is it not, that most people call you simply Mig?
Roscuro
Yes, yes, a lovely song. Just the song I have been waiting to hear.
Uncle
Ah, it's filthy. You'll have to be punished, won't ye?
Mig
Aye, I reckon so, I take the old man the tray and he eats what's on it and then I bring the tray back up. Empty it would be, then. I bring the empty tray back up from the deep downs.
Uncle
What are ye going on about?
Mig
Here, you forgot the bones.
Papa
Lord, child, and who is asking you what you want.
Roscuro
There is no need to panic, none at all.
King
Never mind. It is of no consequence.
Princess Pea
I am making a history of the world, my world, in tapestry. See? Here is my father, the king. And he is playing the guitar because that is something he loves to do and does quite well. And here is my mother, the queen, and she is eating soup because she loved soup.
Roscuro
May I tell you my plan? May I illustrate for you how we can make your dream of becoming a princess a reality?
Mig
Now, how did that go? Give the princess the thread and then give her a cursy? No, no, first the cursy and then the thread. That's it. Gor, that's right, that's the order. Start with the cursy and finish with the thread.
Uncle
Har. An ugly, dumb thing like you? You ain't even worth the enormous lot I paid for you. Don't I wish every night that I had back that good hen and that red tablecloth in place of you?
Uncle
Get out of my face before I give ye a good clout to the ear.
soldier
Ah, that, I am afraid, is against the law too; no human may own another in the Kingdom of Dor.
Cook
Of all the good-for-nothings I have encountered, surely you are the worst, the most cauliflower-eared, the good-for-nothing-est. There's only one place left for you. The dungeon.
Mig
but you're a rat, ain't you? And didn't the old man just warn me of such? Beware the rats, he said.
Princess Pea
Are you the new serving maid? Have you brought me my thread?
Roscuro
Perhaps it is time for you to make the acquaintance of triumph and glory.
Princess Pea
Did I wave to you?
Princess Pea
That's all right. It's the spirit of the thing that counts.
Mig
Gor, I aim to be a princess, too, someday.
Roscuro
You have known your share of tragedy.
Mig
Today is my birthday.
Princess Pea
How old were you when she died?
soldier
No matter, it is against the law to own another. Now, you will hand over to me, if you please, your spoons, your bowls, your kettle, and your girl. Or if you choose not to hand over these things, then you will come with me to be imprisoned in the castle dungeon. Which will it be?.
Mig
But I don't want to, Papa. I want to go with you.
Louise
You are not destined to be one of our star servants. That is already abundantly clear.
Roscuro
Aspirations, my dear, are those things that would make a serving girl wish to be a princess.
Roscuro
Miss Miggery, there is no need to shout. None at all. As you can hear me, so I can hear you. We two are perfectly suited, each to the other.
soldier
We will take you to the castle and they will set you up fine. You no longer will be a slave. You will be a paid servant.
soldier
Do you own a girl?
soldier
By royal order of the King Phillip. I am sent here to tell you that soup has been outlawed in the Kingdom of Dor. You will, by order of the king, never again consume soup. Nor will you think of it or talk about it. And I, as one of the king's loyal servants, am here to take from you your spoons, your kettle, and your bowls.
Uncle
Look at me, I'm a king. See my crown? I'm a king just like I always wanted to be. I'm a king because I want to be one.
Mig
Are you making a thing?
soldier
I am only doing my duty. Please hand over your spoons, your bowls, and your kettle.
Mother
Who is that? Who is that holding my hand?
Mig
I cleaned it. I cleaned it good.
Princess Pea
But I am a princess. And I waved to her. She should wave back.
soldier
Do you have parents? I will return you to them.
soldier
Right. I'll take you to the castle then.
Papa
Go on, Mig. You belong to that man now.
Mig
Maybe, the princess ain't to home.
Uncle
We will hear no more talk of princesses. Besides, who ever asked you what you wanted in this world, girl?
soldier
You will be a servant! Not a slave!
Mig
I'm happy to be going.
Mig
look at them things, I ain't never imagined there could be so many spoons in the whole wide world.
Cook
Seems simple, don't it? But I'm sure you'll find a way to bungle it.
Mig
You eats the bones. You are most ferocious.
Mig
I saw them all glittering and glowing, and there was a little princess wearing her own crown and riding on a little white tippy-toed horse.
Uncle
And wouldn't that be lovely, if we could afford to eat cake.
Roscuro
May I detain you for a moment?
Mig
I ain't seen him since he sold me.
Uncle
Did I ask ye how old you were today?
Uncle
I thought I told you to clean the kettle
soldier
To the castle! I'll take you to the castle.
Roscuro
There is, my dear, a way to make that happen. I believe there is a way to make that dream come true.
Princess Pea
Papa, what is wrong with the girl? She will not wave to me.
Mig
Soup! Gor! That's against the law.
Uncle
She wants to wear a crown.
Uncle
I wish it every night. That tablecloth was the color of blood. That hen could lay eggs like nobody's business.
Mig
Miggery. Miggery Sow, but most just calls me Mig. And I saw you once before, Princess. You passed me by on a little white horse. On my birthday, it was, and I was in the field with Uncle's sheep and it was sunset time.
Cook
Listen, you cauliflower-eared fool! This is what you do. You take the tray of food down to the dungeon and you wait for the old man to eat the food and then you bring the tray back up. Do you think that you can manage that?
Mig
I saw a king and a queen and a itty-bitty princess.
Princess Pea
No No, how old. How old were you?
Mother
Ah, child, let me go.
Mig
The castle? Where the itty-bitty princess lives?
soldier
That's a fine dream.
Roscuro
Miss Miggery, my dear, I do not want to appear too forward so early in our acquaintance, but may I inquire, am I right in ascertaining that you have aspirations?
Gregory
So you aim to be a princess. Well, everyone has a foolish dream. Gregory, for instance, dreams of a world where soup is legal. And that rat, Gregory is sure, has some foolish dream too.
Gregory
There is more to this world than anyone could imagine.
Mig
Gor, it's me. Miggery Sow, most calls me Mig, delivering your food! Come and get it, Mr. Deep Downs!
Mig
Gor, you want me to paddle?
Princess Pea
Yes, my father outlawed it because my mother died while she was eating it.
Mig
My papa had some cloth much like yours, Mr. Rat. Red like that. He traded me for it.
Mig
Cursy I must!
Mig
Yes it is Mig, but if I was a princess, I would be so glittery lightlike, there wouldn't be a place in the world that was dark to me.
soldier
Cake, with a fork.
Uncle
Are ye saying that I'm a liar, girl?
Mig
Ain't that the thing. My ma is dead, too.
Princess Pea
Yes. She died just last month.
Mig
But I want you to stay here.
Louise
How long did it take you to deliver a spool of thread to the princess?
Gregory
Not forgotten. Chewed.
Uncle
I do. A worthless one, but still, she is mine.
Mig
I saw some human stars today.
Roscuro
Yes, your most royal Princess Pea
Princess Pea
Thank you so much, I cannot seem to hold on to a spool of red thread. Every one I have disappears somehow.
Cook
You are being sent to the dungeon. You are to take the jailer his noonday meal. That will be your duty from now on.
Roscuro
How do you do?
Mig
You meant that I could be the Princess Pea?
Uncle
Do you want a good clout to the ear, then?
Louise
Mind, she is royalty, so you must make sure you curtsy.
Mig
Whoopsie.
Mig
Here I am, off to see the princess. Me, Miggery Sow, seing the princess up close and personal-like. And first off, I must cursy because she is the royalty.
soldier
Might just as well be happy, seeing as it doesn't make a difference to anyone but you if you are or not.
Mig
Ma, couldn't you stay here with me?
People of the castle
It's only the wind, nothing but the wind. (pg. 154).
Uncle
Unbelievable! I suppose next the king will be wanting my sheep and my girl, seeing as those are the only possessions I have left.
Princess Pea
So am I. We're the same age. What is your name?
Mig
Gor, Uncle, I cleaned the kettle.
Mig
Done are you? Then the tray goes back upstairs. Cook says it must. You take the tray to the deep downs, you wait for the old man to eat, and then you bring the tray back. Them's my instructions.
Mother
Ah, child, and what does it matter what you are wanting?
Mig
Gor, I would like to see that little princess another time, wouldn't I? And her little pony, too, with his tippy-toed feet.
Roscuro
Warn her all you like, old man. My hour has arrived. The time is now and your rope must break. No nib-nib-nibbling this time, rather a serious chew that will break it in two. Yes, it is all coming clear. Revenge is at hand.
Mig
I would like . . . I wish to be one of the princesses.
Mig
Ain't that the thing? A rat who knows my name!
Cook
What's to become of someone who goes into the dungeon smiling, I ask you?
Roscuro
True, true. The old jailer speaks true.
Mig
a rat with manners
Gregory
Did they instruct you, too, to beware of the rats?
Mig
Bold was I?
Uncle
What'll we eat? And what'll we eat it with?

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